kaplumbağa koltuk

sokaklarda koca bir koltukla dolaşıyordum. hani tüh almasaymışım çantayı deriz ya. bir ara tüh buraya getirmeseymişim koltuğu diyorum içi bomboş b,r alışveriş merkezinin dopdolu tuvaletlerinin önünde. bir ara çocuklarla yokuş yukarı yuruyoruz. koşup koşup koltuğu yokuş yukarı itiyorum gidiyor gidiyor ama birazd aha ivme lazımmış...

sonra manzaralı bir evde anten olarak bir el feneri. aynı zamanda alıcıymış. uyumadan önce fringe seyredince paralel evrendeki halimle tanışacaktım. gittiği her yere ahşap kolluklu koltuğunu taşıyan. her yere yuruyen. el fenerinden alıcı ve anten yapan ve sahildeki deniz taşlarını uzun uzun seyreden biriydi rüyamdaki.( ayrıca tuvaletlerin girişindeki tatsız manzarayı da heen tuvalet yöneticisine haber verip tuvalete gitmeye eve gitmeyi seçiyordu. )henuz geçemedim bence paralel evrene. en azından bu ruyada değil. ama biriyle karşılaştım ve bana birşeyer anlattı ve çok net iki isim vardı anneannem ile ilgili. anneannemi arayacağım dedim ruyamda uyandığımda ilk telefon ondan geldi. isimleri soyledim. duraksamadan hikayelerini anlattı. şaştım. seviyorum rastlantıları.

bir de ruyamda oturduğum eve bahçeden iniliyordu merdivenlerle aşağı. ve merdivenlerin bir basamağında zaten oraya bırakmış olduğum birşeyin yanında bir de minicik kabuğu kırık bir kaplumbağa vardı.

dün dişimden bir parça kopmuş. akşam farkettim farkettiğimde başak vardı melis vardı barış vardı kaya vardı... arkamızda biri motosikletine biniyodu bir kız feci özendim. barışın spor arabaya nasıl doluştuk ve kısa zamanda ne kadar çok konuştuk. cross conversations.

başakla beyoğlu arka sokağında benim rotamda çok çok yavaş yürüyerek neler neler gördük daha önce yanından geçip de hiç görmediğimiz... sonra protesto, sergi açılışı gibiydi. başında maydanozu ve peleriniyle şahaneydi tayfun.

üzerine sahlep
üzerine fringe
üzerine koltuk ve kaplumbağa

deeper instinct

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” anais nin

rusty words

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.”― Sylvia Plath

meredith monk: delphine's share from Vienna

"Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning." Maya Angelou - i know why the caged bird sings

listening to the song Delphine has shared with me. Meredith Monk. I remember the blue curtains of my room. shades of blue.

today i hear the news of a possible flat i might move into in İstanbul soon by myself. A possibility.

human voice is a curious thing. tone of voice. color of voice. voice. violence. silence.

voice also can take on an alienating quality. it can as well take on a homely quality. sometimes you fall away from one person just by a sudden realization that the tone of the voice is not right. not real. not your tune. not my tune. not your frequency.

i'd rather resonate with you. i'd rather take delight in the sound ofyour breath. in the sound of a moan. in the sound of you talking.

a moment of distraction. leaves you with not what i say but the tone. it leaves you with what i say plus the tone. it leaves you only with what i say. only with how it sounds. only with how it feels. all is connected.

feelings stay. give an impromptu voice to the feelings. take your stand. be full of courage. voice it out.

fantastic - uncanny - marvelous

http://www.unc.edu/~bardsley/ghosts/todorov.html

The Fantastic: A Structural Approach to a Literary Genre (1975)

Tzvetan Todorov

"In a world which is indeed our world, the one we know....there occurs an event which cannot be explained by the laws of this same familiar world. The person who experiences the event must opt for one of two possible solutions: either he is the victim of an illusion of the senses, of a product of the imagination-- and the laws of the world then remain what they are; or else the event has indeed taken place, it is an integral part of reality--but then this reality is controlled by laws unknown to us (p. 25)."

"The fantastic occupies the duration of this uncertainty....The fantastic is that hesitation experienced by a person who knows only the laws of nature, confronting an apparently supernatural event (p. 25)."

Todorov later comments:

"The fantastic requires the fulfillment of three conditions. First, the text must oblige the reader to consider the world of the characters as a world of living persons and to hesitate between a natural or supernatural explanation of the events described. Second, this hesitation may also be experienced by a character; thus the reader's role is so to speak entrusted to a character, and at the same time the hesitation is represented, it becomes one of the themes of the work--in the case of naive reading, the actual reader identifies himself with the character. Third, the reader must adopt a certain attitude with regard to the text: he will reject allegorical as well as "poetic" interpretations (p. 33)."

Todorov distinguishes the fantastic from two other modes, the uncanny and the marvelous. While these modes have some of the ambiguity of the fantastic, they ultimately offer a resolution governed by natural laws (the uncanny) or the supernatural (the marvelous).

"[In the uncanny], events are related which may be readily accounted for by the laws of reason, but which are, in one way or another, incredible, extraordinary, shocking, singular, disturbing or unexpected, and which thereby provoke in the character and in the reader a reaction similar to that which works of the fantastic have made familiar (p. 46)." Todorov's definition of the uncanny might be applied to stories in which the character realizes s/he is mad or has just awakened from a dream. Thus, the uncanny is an "experience of limits."

"If we move to the other side of that median line which we have called the fantastic, we find ourselves in the fantastic-marvelous, the class of narratives that are presented as fantastic and that end with an acceptance of the supernatural (p. 52)."

the shop for distant realities / ismi tuhafiyeci olmayan tuhafiye

koşuyolu Porsan (the shop where irrelevant things exist side by side / a secret tuhaf-iyeci; a tuhafiyeci which is not called a tuhafiyeci...); probably 1996... my niece hugging the almost scary weird sculpture who is hugging the air...

"My most important problem was destroying the lines of demarcation that separate what seems real from what seems fantastic."
— Gabriel García Márquez

back to writing and producing along with the bizarre waves of the fantastic, the weird, the ironic. and still craving for the better words. travelling between "tuhaf " and "fantastik" in TUrkish. but "ironic" does not serve the same purpose... "how ironic" - ironic is somehow more tangible. but "tuhaf" is more ambiguous. it is the summary of a particular way of perception and particular way of existence. tuhafiye. my parents for years have been running a shop where unrelated - far realities - exist side by side. this is actually called a "tuhafiye": the place who sells the weird. the weirdest of it all is their place was never called a "tuhafiye." but it got weirder each year... tuhafiye is the palace of shortcurcuits and of metaphors. where distant realities clash to create ghosts that go deep in one's psyche.

i guess my first attempt for an outdoor sculpture was in response to the weirdness of my families absurd shop. we placed it in front of the shop. as rain slowly washed it away; the figure got thinner... a pregnant lady was afraid of it. some loved it. some started to leave their books below it as if it were a tree. not to scare the pregnant lady anymore, we put it away...

all that remains of it is an absurd photograph...

"kafadan kontak" / a shot circuit in the head

"kafadan kontak" is an excellent expression. "kontak" is the slang for electrical shortcircuit. "kafa" is head. "kafadan kontak" is when the nerves in the brain make shortcurcuit. czz dzzz czzz. an electical shortcircuit in the head. messes up the system.

short circuit

n

(Electronics) a faulty or accidental connection between two points of different potential in an electric circuit, bypassing the load and establishing a path of low resistance through which an excessive current can flow. It can cause damage to the components if the circuit is not protected by a fuse

vb short-circuit

1. (Electronics) to develop or cause to develop a short circuit

2. (tr) to bypass (a procedure, regulation, etc.)

3. (tr) to hinder or frustrate (plans, etc.) Sometimes (for senses 1, 2) shortened to short

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003